Updated Carrot Cake Recipe

My version of Banting Carrot Cake (revision 2): I've been testing a range of combinations of flours to determine which combo gives one the best possible carrot cake (texture-to-moistness-to-lightness ratios). I think this is the best carrot cake I've ever eaten (pre- and post-Banting) and my duty thus to share. 

My favourite Carrot Cake Recipe Ever

Ingredients:

300 ml Macadamia oil
250 ml greek yoghurt or cream
250 - 300 ml erythritol or xylitol
200 ml almond flour (or pecan nut flour)
75 ml coconut flour
100 ml flaxseed flour (Crede Flax Powder works very well)

125 ml desiccated coconut

500 ml grated carrots (about 4 medium carrots)
200 ml finely chopped pecan nuts
15 ml baking powder
6 ml bicarbonate of soda
15 ml ground cinnamon

5 ml all spice
7.5 ml ginger
2 ml salt
5 large eggs, beaten

Cream cheese icing:
1 packs of full fat cream cheese, room temperature

125 ml cottage cheese

2 tablespoons of butter, room temperature
60 ml xylitol (icing powder)
Few drops of vanilla

whole pecans for decoration (optional)

Method:

Pre-heat oven to 170-180°C

Beat together the oil and sweetener until fluffy-ish. Mix in the eggs. Mix dry ingredients and add half to the sugar-oil mixture and mix well. Add the remaining dry ingredients. Add grated carrots and chopped nuts and mix well.

Spoon the mixture into a loose-bottomed tin (20-23cm) or 24 muffin cups. With this recipe I recommend using baking paper to line the tin bottom and sides if you bake it as a cake. It works like a charm. Bake for about 50 minutes, I check from 35 minutes as baking time varies depending on oven type and if you are baking muffins 35 minutes is about right. Allow to cool and whip the cream cheese icing ingredients until fluffy, adding in the sweetener and vanilla. Pipe or spread to decorate. Enjoy!

Note to self

Maybe I should have this quote tattooed on my hand or something. How often do I have to keep reminding myself that failure is just part of the road and not permanent. I am desperately struggling with my failure at the moment. Failing to maintain my calorie intake when stressed, cold and hibernating has become a real challenge this winter. My return to an exercise regime is slow and quite taxing (mentally) and I hope will get me back on track on the eating side. I am so grateful to be back at the running thing and the slow pace is not really worrying me as much as I expected. I am struggling with the "tiredness" and how hard I have to work to just keep myself in the game. The mental part of the come back. The restraint that is required to not go out and hit it hard too soon. And the fear. I am on edge when training. Every twinge, every niggle, every ache, scares the wack out of me. And why am I struggling with controlling myself from eating too much. Everyday there is something nice that we want to eat. Every day I feel like I failed again and I have to start fresh the next day, just to fail again, because of a new food experience, an evening out, wine, a slice of cheesecake etc. None of it with sugar or carbs, but just not being able to listen to my body and opt not to eat when I am not hungry. We've not skipped meals recently, we've fallen into a habit of eating dinners because it is nice to be social and I enjoy the cooking. Together time over good food is our thing, but I need to get my mind set on a plan of action. I am stuck in failure-mode. My failure mode translates into me no longer tracking my food intake and not systematically working towards a weight goal. I need a serious reset. Suck it up and get there. Just do it. I say it, I know it, I just have to do it...help! I am bruised.

First steps taken

Joy! I ran my first gentle run yesterday evening. About 6 km and I held back on pace, keeping myself around 7 min/km for most of the track session. I had the most wonderful (soulful) experience running with Bronwynne and we chatted and just had a great session. It was wonderful to work up some sweat. I am back. Slow, very gently, but I am back at running.

Running with Bron reminded me again just how amazing the bonds are we create with our fellow runners. We share something special, because running makes you vulnerable. It's like when you run, your heart and soul is more visible or closer to the surface. I love running. I did not care that I was slow yesterday. I did not mind not running and pushing. I am so grateful to just be. So maybe sometimes an injury is there to remind me to be grateful to just be able to be out there. To remind me to be humble in my running and to put my life and my struggles in perspective.

Lesson noted and taken to heart. I am running with (and for) my heart and my soul.

Sometimes the monster is not under the bed, but in my head

I am feeling lost today.
Not due to something specific - normally winter months are tougher for me, but this feels different. I don't quite know what I feel like doing. None of my usual hobbies seem to draw me out today. It's weekend and I have not been able to exercise for 27 days. My calf muscle is slowly improving, but still very tight and after my test run 10 days ago, I have lost my oomph. It's fear. I am scared of going back because I may have to face the fact that it's not ready yet. I don't feel like facing that possibility nor do I feel like starting from scratch again. Losing the fitness we had after Comrades is not how I pictured this winter. I wanted so desperately to just keep running and be ready for the marathon in November. My dream had been to run the best ever Tough One this year because I would have been super fit. None of that happened. I am deeply disappointed of course, but there is this general feeling of malaise that just does not seem to leave me this week. It may just be the lack of exercise and the stress at work combining into a perfect emotional storm. I am dealing day-in-and-day-out with a lot of tough business issues, but also regularly with general people problems. Some days I really wish I had more psychological training and not just my "gut" to rely on. I have an issue at work that is panning out to be a big deal and I am not clear yet how to deal with this. My gut generally says, tackle it head on, but I don't think this will work in this case. I also don't think it's something one just leaves. I am deeply concerned and I am sure that does not help my cause.
I feel stuck inside my head.
My best friend taught me this trick that is supposed to uplift your mood. When you sit in the sun, close your eyes and cover with your hands. It should be really dark. Wait a few minutes until it is really BLACK. Then remove your hands (whilst keeping your eyes closed) lift your eyes towards the sun. The most amazing colours appear, it's like magic actually. Even patterns if you are lucky. Now wait until all the colour is gone and it turns white - cover your eyes again and wait for it to go completely black again. Repeat a few times. This is an extremely relaxing experience, but the trick is that one needs sun...Something that seems to be missing today.
I feel it swallowing me, this big, grey monster in my head. Without knowing exactly why, I feel a sense of loss without losing anything. It feels like the puzzle is too big today, and I cannot see the bigger picture. All I see is the pieces in front of me, no picture.

I always "Need to Have a Cause" or a project or a goal. This has been a very big deal in my life for as long as I can remember. This is by the way a very typical characteristic of INFJs - my own Myers-Briggs personality type. I get so caught up in the passion of my pursuit/s that any cumbersome issue, like waiting for the right time or waiting to heal, really trips me up. INFJs like to know that they are taking concrete steps towards their goals, and if life/timing/people get in my way, or worse yet, there is no goal at all, we feel restless and disappointed. I cannot "live" my goals at the moment or achieve progress at a pace that satisfies my sensibilities. I understand this of course, but I am unable to maintain this state of understanding for a long time.
I am also always at risk for "Burn Out" syndrome. I tend to tackle things with great passion and emotional investment. This passion together with my lack of patience and idealistic perspective can easily result in a build up inside me and without an outlet (letting of steam somehow) I get exhausted and despondent. Running gives me a way to balance my ideals with the realities of day-to-day living. Running is my way of letting of steam, my therapy, my cleanser and my goal; all wrapped up into one. Not running is more than just a time-out. I find myself slowly dissolving into a blob (physically and mentally). I feel like a couch potato with little or no drive. I tell myself that it is just temporary, but my heart is not hearing me. The message is getting softer, like a distant echo. Soon, soon, soon....and I have to somehow re-focus. But maybe not today.
This is not permanent, I know it, but heck it is hard to battle logic versus feeling somedays. Today is just a bad day, and I know it. Tomorrow will be better (or different) and eventually I will get inspired again. Right now, I just wanted to say it, admit it, deal with it in real WORDS. I am lost in my head.

Sweeteners ...Why I use Stevia and Erythritol

When I cook I and I need a sweetener, I try to avoid artificial sweeteners as far as practically possible. I always read the labels of any product that claims to be sugar free in detail. It is very seldom that one would find a product (especially mass produced) that uses erythritol or stevia and sometimes one compromises a little bit. In general, my rule is to avoid artificial sweeteners completely and my preference of use is stevia, erythritol and then xylitol if no other option is available. Stevia of course is risky, as it easily "tastes" artificial, so I generally blend stevia and erythritol to achieve my desired sweetness. A good ratio for me seems to be 1.3 cup of erythritol to 1/2 a tablespoon of stevia powder. This seems to prevent the food tasting like stevia-sweetened food.

Why do I prefer erythritol and stevia? Here is some of the pros and cons summarized.

• Xylitol is toxic for pets so I am always paranoid when using it that the dogs get hold of the bowls and the food. 
• Erythritol and stevia both have virtually no insulin response for people like me, this is important
• Xylitol tastes very much like sugar, whilst erythritol is slightly less "sweet" which is fine for me because we've been sugarless for so long now that really sweet stuff tastes nasty to me.
• Erythritol is more expensive than xylitol (and less accessible) so this is an issue for some people. Personally I try to limit my sweet stuff consumption to prevent us from falling into a sweet addiction again, so my consumption is limited to really just special treats. Stevia is generally fairly affordable, but I don't like using it on it's own in sweet dishes or baking due to the issue of the taste (It works fine when you want to cut the acidity of a tomato soup though). 
• Erythritol, unlike xylitol gives a "crunchiness" when used in baking. Rusks are a little bit more crunchy and it can be used to make meringues (Ta-Da). If you've tried to make meringues with xylitol you will know what I mean. Somethings in life should come with a CRUNCH.

 For those scientifically minded readers, I've put together from information obtained from the University of Sydney's website in a graph - looking at the Glycemic Index (GI) for common sugary substances and sweeteners.

I've left of all artificial ones as we try to avoid those. GI is just a way to explain a relative insulin response. 

Clearly, xylitol is still MILES better than most natural sugars; one can expect an insulin response when ingesting it though, even if mild and it greatly depends on your individual sensitivities. Small quantities of course is not going to be bad for you, but if you have a sweet tooth, it may be better to avoid using too much xylitol to bake with. 

(Link to raw data)

The data I used in table format below, for sake of completion.

So if you are like me, a tiny bit obsessive and like knowing about stuff, I hope this helps you.

Miss you Molly.

The Cloths of Heaven

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light,

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths 

Of night and light and the half-light;

I would spread the cloths under your feet:

But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

W. B. Yeats

I miss you my Molly.

A (running) junkie in recovery

Me again. Still in recovery. It's ironic because the longer I am out, the more I feel that I am IN recovery, and not just recovering. "Hi, my name is Bella and I am a running junkie. It's been 22 days since I ran without pain." I've gone through some stages of grief, some of which requires me to do some restitution, but let's leave that for another day. I've also been forced to do some serious introspection. Looking into the mirror and polishing some of those dull spots. It's now officially three (long) weeks since the injury, and the jury is still out about my comeback. Being a very typical INFJ-personality I've been obsessing about obsessing. Since I've opted to start tracking my weight and my macro nutrients again, I've become a little obsessed with reviewing various Apps on my iPhone.

The first week I tested FatSecret, this week I am testing MyFitnessPal and some others were tried but discarded fairly quickly in between all of this. This has had other consequences, on which I will reflect later. So far, MyFitnessPal is the winner for me, although I find the control over the macro nutrients sub-par, the ease of data entry is superior.

What happens in my kitchen on a Saturday morning...
And this is what was left after the dishwasher was packed ;-)

KetodietApp is very cool in terms of other content (recipes, information etc). The reporting and how it tracks your food intake is cool (and in line with my way of eating), but I found entry of data too painful to sustain it. FatSecret was "ok" but lacked the finesse of MyFitnessPal when it came to entries. Overall, if you use FatSecret you could be happy, but I personally prefer MyFitnessPal. The FatSecret Web interface is slightly friendlier to use than the MyFitnessPal however, so it may be device sensitive. I tested the two phone Apps on my iPhone 5S. The KetodietApp is basically a blog incorporated into an App and works best on the iPad. It really is an excellent reference source for newbies on the LCHF diet. Although I purchased the App, I didn't add many extra recipes as I prefer using my own and making my own. I also find it easier to use Pinterest to "save" new recipes on my boards for viewing later. Once tested, I often review it or print it out for my "kitchen folder".
In my pursuit of happiness (during my time of recovery), I really have gone slightly berserk in the kitchen (especially on weekends). Recently I've been experimenting with variants of white chocolate fat bombs in an effort to create the best, ever ketogenic friendly white chocolate. The holy grail in my opinion. Milk chocolate that is not horribly sweet but still milky and creamy. It is easy to make dark chocolate that tastes great. The two nuts I still have to crack: (1) the "milkier" versions of the fat bombs and (2) a peppermint flavoured chocolate.

Best ever LC scones with cream and home made berry jam!
Yummy this was good.

So as per the evidence provided in my photograph of my kitchen sink (post-apocalyptic cooking event) this weekend was epic. Whilst pursuing this chocolate "dream", I baked some faux scones (LC-friendly and served with no-added-sugar-fruit-only jam and whipped cream), I made a mega-batch of toasted LC-granola (nuts and seeds), experimented with some chocolate, made some soup and roasted lamb.
All things good come to those who wait?
I am calm.
I am recovering.
Whilst eating scones and drinking tea. If I can't run...let me BAKE.

The runner plots but the body is not playing

I attempted my first run Wednesday evening - 2 weeks and 3 days after the injury. I jogged 8 km very slowly, intermittently walking and stretching and tried very hard to ignore the ache in my calf. It came back after about 1 km, at first it felt just like a cramp forming but it deteriorated into an actual ache and tightness by the time I got to 3 km into the route. At the end of the run I was back to hobbling. I iced at home and tried to stretch, but something is not right. Although I ran very slowly, the heart is willing, the calf is not. I've been very patient (sort of) and hadn't experienced any pain the last 3 days, which led to my decision to try and get a sense of my status.

And I know. I know. I know this stuff.
It's the best time to be injured.
I have no immediate race goals.
I am being a baby.
This is just something to work through.
I have to deal with.
I too shall pass.

But the uncertainty is eating at me. I want to close my eyes tightly, twirl 3 times clockwise, click my heels and all should be well again. I want to be OK; this is so much harder than I expected. My head-space is all wrong. I miss running so much.

How does one fix it?

I feel both dead and alive and I am too scared to open the box and find out which one. My mind tells me to remember all the good stuff, to be grateful for my blessings, but my heart is aching for the freedom of a pain free run. It is like being in a box - a dark and lonely place and you have to face your darkest self. I am trying not to despair. So far, I've been resting for 16 days. The first test run clearly showed that I am still in the big, black box of injury. On the bench. Not ready. No running for Bella (yet).

Planning for my comeback

There is more to running than increasing speed... 

I have been plotting my running comeback since the first day of my injury. At first I hoped it would be 1 week out with a slow comeback. I soon realized this was delusional and am now in week 2 with some progress, but clearly not recovered. 

My feet are itching to run again, but I've vowed to be more careful going forward. Speed killed and I know it will not help if I tell people this, but I am writing this blog for myself. To remind me of the dangers of pushing too hard. I recall a vivid memory during my first Ottosdal night race. We were running the 21 km event and there was a group of runners, clearly a bunch of novices led by a bus driver, running with us. The leader made them adhere to a strict walk-run strategy and every time they walked he (very loudly) reminded them that "Speed, not distance, kills". I think they were doing their first marathon. Patiently he just kept this routine up and kept them from "rushing out". This mantra has stuck with me over the past few years and I often repeat the story to novices. Somehow though, especially after Comrades, I felt invincible. I started pushing hard at track and honestly believe it all led to my injury on that fated morning during the Northgate 10 km race. It's been a hard fall. Arrogance is a serious enemy of a runner. We easily forget that we are only human. Generally, I am quite a conservative runner. I start slow. I warm-up slowly and I don't push myself into pain early in a race. However, I got swept up in the frenzy of PBs that was going on around me, inspired by my own 10 km and Comrades runs, I thought I was safe and I felt I had time to play with speed. After Comrades we felt great and went back to running within 2 weeks of the big race. In the third week we were pushing hard during track running sprints and running faster than we probably should have. Because I felt I could, I wanted to fit in, be part of the runners, peer pressure, all that jazz. The Wednesday before the Northgate race, I ran fast short distances and started feeling an ache in my hamstring. I slowed down a bit but not much. It was a familiar ache so I did not worry too much. I stretched and told myself to stretch more. It's been an uphill battle since the real injury hit me during that race. I know how to run with pain. I did many hours of it during the Comrades, but this was "damaged" pain. It's very different to an existing ache that just stays there whilst you plod on. Both my calf and my hamstring muscle now is extremely sensitive. Not sure if it is as a result of the rest or the injury or the rubbing, but it feels like I have two very deep bruises on the two muscles. Very specific, pin point aches or bruising. I am not sure if I am improving or not and have not attempted to run yet, I am actually petrified to find out whether I can or can't. I can now climb down stairs without too much discomfort, and the ache in my Achilles area is definitely more of a dull stiffness rather than an ache. The uncertainty eats at me. I feel like I am not doing the right things, yet I don't know what else to do.

My haphazard treatment strategy thus far are an eclectic mix of paranoia, advice from friends and the internet and just doing stuff because I have to do something:

1. Eccentric stretching of the calf muscle on a step

2. Ice

3. Rest

4. Rubbing

5. Rest

6. Some desperate anti-inflammatory taking after week one

7. More rest

8. Worrying

9. Googling

10. Watching Tour de France and Wimbeldon 

11. Foam rolling

12. More worrying

13. Kinesio taping

14. Blogging about it

15. Rubbing in all types gels related to muscle soreness

16. More stretching

Next step is to see if I can do a gentle, slow jog on the weekend. Hoping the ache in the calf and hamstring muscle is just a bruise from the rubbing. I really don't know. If it is not better by next week I will have to go see a professional to get an opinion. In the meantime, I am open to suggestions to my list of treatment strategies.

For my comeback, I plan to respect speed a bit more and stop comparing myself to the younger, faster speedsters at track. I love the track group, but I have to be careful not to get into the habit of pushing "all the time" or getting swept up in the mad rush to run faster all the time. This is by the way, advice I give people all the time. And generally I adhere to it as well. This is a wake-up call, I wish I had not made the series of mistakes that led to this, but it is what it is. I am not a spring chicken anymore, my body needs more time to recover. I need to be more gentle with it. I will. I WILL be kinder to my muscles. I don't care if I run slow, I just want to RUN. Please...

Nearly 45

Molly (RIP

It's nearly that time of year again. I hardly noticed last year's birthday. Molly had just passed away and I never am fully functional in winter anyway. I believe it is related to the lack of sun. I hardly ever see the sun in winter. We get to work so early (before the sun is really up) and unless the sun is still shining when we train, after work, we get home after dark and an entire day goes by without the sun. Lately, I've been feeling very uninspired. It all started with the injury and not being able to run. I have been taking action to mitigate this miserableness I am feeling. Actively taking control of my diet, measuring my progress, doing my budget, planning things etc. This birthday is just strange this year. It feels like I am still 39 and I don't want to be 45. I feel unhappy about it. Something I never really felt when I turned 40. Between 39 and 45, I've been very busy with "doing" things. Living life. Since my 40th birthday, life has changed. I am a late bloomer and both professionally and personally things have really only started to take off for me since my late 30s. I am not a dweller. Normally my view is "move forward" as soon as possible. If I cannot change it, deal with it. If something didn't work, I try to move on and find a better way. Life is just that actually. Move on (Keep Calm and...) and try to improve on what you did previously. For me "45" feels a bit like a way-point. It's on my journey but it is not my destination. I need to go past this to get to my destination, but it is not the destination and I don't actually know what the destination is. Wouldn't it be great if Garmin sold Life-GPS maps. You could upgrade your GPS to help you navigate your life. I hope my Life-GPS will take me to new and exciting places in the year to come. I just want to feel happy and grateful for another year of blessings. I have been very lucky this year. So many things have been wonderful and I've grown so much. I know this feeling is temporary and soon, very soon I hope, I will feel inspired again. I hope it is tomorrow. 

Then I watched the New Balance video. I cried, and laughed and ached and just generally remembered how great my life actually is. I am 45 young on Monday. So what! It's just a number. My job is to find the dreams, then do it.

#IComrades Video

So I am not the weight-loss poster child of LCHF

I wish I was the poster child for LCHF weight-loss, but I am not.

I've kept on struggling with my weight not losing big chunks, but slowly whittled away about 5kg and then for most of the past 18 months have either plateaued or lost a bit of weight. For about a month earlier this year I reached my goal. Overall I've lost enough weight and maintained the weight-loss to feel good about myself, but not enough to be the success story of the year in that department. I do however feel great and healthy for the first time in 20 years. I feel energized, awake, no blood sugar issues, healthy and I have a general sense of physical well-being that perhaps I never even realized was missing until I got it "back". None of those nasty tummy cramps after eating, no more postprandial narcolepsy and most importantly: not a singly hypoglycemic event in 18 months, basically since the day I ditched carbs and sugar. It also revolutionized my running. I hated GU et al in my carbo-loading days. Now I run a marathon on a good breakfast (egg and avocado) and water. Eating heaps of food before a race is not a requirement, I can just decide to run and I go. I carry almost nothing with me when I run, it's so comfortable. So weight-loss wise it's been okay - I did not pick up weight and occasionally lost some, most of time I was rock steady and stable. I did not look as great as some of my Banting friends - the same people whom I convinced into eating this way...but I shouldered it bravely and admitted to myself that even though I don't cheat with carbs, we don't always stick with the principle of "eat only when hungry", mostly because I LOVE eating and cooking and baking. I am also a stress eater and I have I mentioned, I LOVE food. My LCHF foodie addiction also contributes for sure, I so enjoy baking. The challenge and adventure to create something special really gives me a kick and having a challenge like LC cooking is just too much fun to skip. Then there is the dairy thing; I am definitely sensitive to dairy, so when I eat cheese and have milk in my coffee, my weight-loss stalls. Thus the odds are a bit stacked, and I know I am not the only one. I've read and re-read all the "Top reasons why you are not losing weight on Banting/LCHF" articles and really understand the issues. These challenges do not change my opinion on this way of eating - this is not a diet, it's a lifestyle. A lifestyle I've selected based on my own investigation into the available research. I am convinced and remain convinced.The health benefits are too overwhelming and everything I've read about the benefits of LC eating when suffering from autoimmune afflictions convinced me long before I realized that this is a way to control my weight as well.

And so why am I not a happy camper? Why am I miserable and thinking enviously about my thin Banting friends? I've recently hit a bit of a bump in the road. I got injured and I've picked up weight for the first time.

Two months ago my GP stated categorically that my thyroid medication dose is too high - after a blood test. I've been on the same dose for many years and after being "forced" earlier this year by Discovery to change from Eltroxin to Euthyrox, I did feel a bit more hyper than I should, probably the new molecule being more efficient than the older Eltroxin one or just the body responding slightly differently. Who knows... I did experience an elevated heart rate and thus conceded to the doctor. So we reduced the dose by 50%, based on my weight and height, I was not in the normal distribution for dosages according to Doc; that is to maintain the thyroid levels within the normal distribution (If you know me at all you should hear Grrrr, and lots of question marks flying around). But, nothing happened. I did not feel suddenly significantly deprived nor did I have the aches and pains I usually get when my dosage is too low, but I noticed something odd on the scale. Scope (weight) creep. At first it was just a small drift and I could deal with it and I attributed it more to nervous eating prior to the Comrades than to the dosage change. However, in the last two weeks, I've finally caught up with myself (after getting injured and having to make sure I adjust my calorie intake now that I cannot run) and I've realized in desperation that what had been "creep" has not become a mountain of fat. I've picked up 3 kg in 2 months, without significantly changing my lifestyle. Most of it in the past 3 weeks. I felt like the magic carpet ride came to an end too abruptly. No, not this again. I am so tired of battling the bulge. Can't I just get on free ride? Sigh. And I picked up my pieces and here I am ... back on track. Tracking my food and re-reading the important principles and just generally reminding myself how to do this right.

I am seriously monitoring my intake (via www.fatsecret.co.za) and balancing my Fat-Carbs-Protein intake carefully. I am also checking my blood ketones (expensive as it is) - this tool I found to be the most useful way to track my progress - getting myself into serious ketosis is the aim. I am also trying to calibrate the breathalyzer "Ketonix" instrument relative to the blood ketones to see if it could be a cheaper way to track ketone levels on a daily basis. Feedback to follow.....

There are a lot of books out there about autoimmune disease and paleo or low-carb diets and I wish I'd known about this stuff 18 years ago when I started having issues. I have no thyroid at all now, thus my issues are on going. In a sense I cannot be "cured" because I have no thyroid to fix. However, I still benefit from the health improvements associated with eating like this. I've felt it and seen too much benefit and do not wish to change my lifestyle. I don't find it hard to stick to this way of eating and it has truly become a lifestyle, with very little feeling of "deprivation". Unlike all other eating plans I've tried.

After all of that, it's hard to suddenly feel fat again. I've consciously aimed my focus on tracking my diet, my weight, my ketosis et al, to keep myself positive. The weight issue together with the uncertainty re my dose is disconcerting, and I cannot run yet with an injury lingering. I am not in a good head space at all and I know it's related to the lack of exercise, but I am pushing through this, just like I do when I race a marathon. Focusing on each milestone, step-by-step. 

Focus, measure, commit, patience.

Why me?

Since Sunday I've been miserable, depressed, angry, ungracious, teary and generally pathetic. Even though I know I am being ungracious and pathetic about this, I don't know how to deal with this without feeling like a toddler. My life fell to pieces when on a normal Sunday morning, during a normal 10k race, I injured my ankle tendons so badly that I had to bail from a race. Never did that before. I could hardly walk though and was worried if I continued to limp the 5 km to the finish, I might do more harm. My emotional response to this event though shocked me to the core. I am devastated. My wholeness as a human being is so intermingled with my ability to run. More than I even expected. I got dropped at the finish and limped to towards the finish line, hoping to see Carl, and luckily he had just arrived, after running a super race. I limped to him and started crying. Like the world was ending. I still have not actually cried myself out. I feel like I've been holding my breath for the past four days. I am not being gracious about it. I am angry. I am grieving. I am a terrible person. I went for a scan on Monday, nothing torn in the tendon but signs of achilles tendinosis and tenosynovitis of the tibialis posterior tendon. Sigh. I cannot step down, or push off basically. Icing and rest...until it's better. Immediately I feel fat, unbalanced and emotionally vulnerable.

 I do feel pretty bad about my response. Carl was so gracious when he got injured at a critical time during our Comrades training. I on the otherhand (Darryl) seem to have no capacity to deal with this in anyway other than grieving for a loss. I am most definitely not resigned to my fate, but I feel very lost. So I've been focusing on finding out about treating this, preventing it and going forward. I am still hopeful that it is only a two week outage, with gentle running to start of with, but I have no real idea. It really hurts when I step down. Which is a bit of bummer when you try to run. I have tried not to test my foot so far, but I will walk on Saturday to see how it feels.
So I am really trying to look for a way through it - MJF - I am really trying to get to acceptance.

RICE (rest-ice-compression-elevation) is the only advice the doctor gave me. I really wish there was more to it, but I think he is correct. So I am alright, not really, but I am trying to be alright. Looking back at my emotional response, I am working through the "why me syndrome" I picked up at the same time I got this injury and hopefully I can come out of this a better person. I've had to look in the mirror a bit and did not like all I saw. I am very determined and positive by nature, and generally find that with hard work I can achieve and thus have been an achiever my whole life (at work - not so much at personal things). My running helps me to cope with a lot of stress at work and it's become a bit of a safety net. So I think that was the major blow for me. I look forward to running because it heals me from work, it balances my imbalances. It's the best part of my day. SO I've learnt that:

• I run for life and running is my happy place
• I deal with work stuff when I run and it balances my mind
• I need to work on my grown-up-ness
• I need to work on my acceptance in defeat and be gracious when things go wrong

Foodie weather

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing" - Benjamin Franklin 

Today is really winter. Some super sized cold-front hit the Cape this week and we finally got the hit today. This morning, despite getting up and dressing for running, we opted to bunk. Not so much due to the cold, although it did contribute, but I suddenly realised that it is the last Saturday that we can skip track or running without feeling guilty. From the 1st of July, training will be back in full, committed mode. Not that we did nothing this week, but it was quite pleasant to just go shopping and sort out a few things around the house. All that extra time this morning inspired me to spend some quality time in the kitchen. I thought perhaps, I can do something today that is worth writing about.

Mission: Banting friendly chocolate
Due to the issues I have with many products on the market that claims to be "low carb" or "banting" friendly. Very seldom does one find a product that is truly "real" food only and one can see from the list of ingredients that many product labels are quite misleading if you don't know your stuff. I've really been thinking hard about making chocolate and have held off because I thought it might be hard to get the chocolate "real" and tasty. However, today's weather inspired me to try.

My first attempt this morning was a massive success among my testers. Three of us tested the results and whilst Carl and I eat low-carb all the time, his daughter is a "normal". She however agreed that the chocolates were delightful.

Recipe/Method
Isabel's Banting Chocolates

100 g cocoa butter (or 50g cocoa butter + 50 g coconut oil)
5-6 tablespoons of good quality cocoa powder
3-4 tablespoons of erythritol
1/2 cup desiccated coconut
3 tablespoons of grated pecan nuts (optional, but nice)

Melt the cocoa butter in double boiler (or like me in a metal bowl over boiling water in a pot).
Once molten add the sweetener and stir a bit, then add the rest of the ingredients.
It thickens up a bit but keep it over the hot water until nicely mixed.
I used silicone moulds for my chocolates, but you could just pour it into a sheet out and let it set in the freezer. If you use the sheet principle try keep it about 3-5 mm thickness. It makes a nice rustic type of chocolate if broken. I just stuck in the freezer and then pop them out of the silicone moulds. Happy chomping.

If you used coconut oil, the melting temperature is lower than that of cocoa butter so be careful about leaving it outside the fridge. The 50:50 blend is still ok, but will melt when you hold it in your eager paw for too long. Cocoa butter and coconut oil are both healthy fats, although cocoa butter has the higher melting point, so the two together is a very nice "fat bomb" for runners. Both oils make good chocolate and I plan to keep experimenting with this, but I am pretty happy with the first batches. The desiccated coconut not only adds to the taste but also stretches the pretty expensive cocoa butter a bit. I also added a few drops of peppermint essence to the second batch and it's truly amazing how much it reminds me of peppermint crisp. The crunchiness of the coconut, chocolate and erythritol is magical.

Banting burgers for lunch! That was the next mission for today. 


Making our food from scratch is fun and I always feel like I am getting in touch with  my inner foodie and child when I attempt new things in the kitchen. Low-carbing also gives me a kick, there is some engineering in this way of cooking, but also a lot of creativity. It really focused my mind on cooking real food with fresh ingredients. Today for lunch we had our first burger in more than a year. I took the LC burger to the next level though. I made the patties from scratch (mince 500 g fresh mince, chopped onion, 4 eggs and 2 tablespoons of coconut flour). They tasted great and looked so good. I also made some Banting bread buns and we had the most lovely, luxury burger ever!




My final foodie act for the day was to roast some baby tomatoes in preparation for tomato soup for dinner. While baking the buns for the burgers, I also roasted the tomatoes until properly caramelized and squishy.


Creamy tomato soup recipe

1 can of chopped tomatoes or 2 large fresh ones chopped into chunks
250 g of baby tomatoes (roasted if you can)
1/2 a medium onion, chopped and cooked in butter until translucent
500 to 700 ml homemade broth (chicken broth is my preference)
250 ml cream
Salt, pepper (cayenne is best if you don't mind the bite)

The tomatoes, onion and broth mixture should cook nicely for at least 30 minutes. Add the cream and use a blitz stick to make it into the dreamy, creaminess. The roasted baby tomatoes add a delicious flavour. Sprinkle a bit of feta when serving for extra decadence.Creamy, dreamy tomato soup for dinner! I highly recommend this for a feel good meal. I make the broth from the chicken carcasses from Friday night dinner and store it in the fridge for soup. Packed with healthy minerals.




And thus I hope after all of that, that my "do" today was worth "writing".

Note to self

For this year's Youth Day I decided to just breathe. It's something I don't do often enough. It's always such a mad rush and sometimes self-inflicted. The day started with a beautiful run with the Boskruin Group. We just kind of slotted in and had one of those really enjoyable runs. Saw the sun come up. Chilly morning, but not icy. Just lovely. Reminded me what I like about running. Body is just ticking over and one is out with good people, no stress, just enjoying life. Two weeks ago we ran Comrades and now we have to move on, find new goals, enjoy our running. If feels less like work again, more like a passion. Last year we came back so broken, I just gave up until September. So far this year's wind-down after Comrades has been really nice. A week of total rest, then we had 3 gentle runs during week 2, and today we did 15km, basically the start of week 3. The legs feel okay and the best thing is the joy, the joy is back! I am so blessed.

Just breathe...

So I am sitting in front of the heater with the two puppies (I know, people look at us funny when we call them monsters puppies, but if you raised a puppy (even a big dog), they stay babies in your mind). The puppies are perfecting their afternoon nap techniques, whilst I am playing my entire iTunes music collection via my Bluetooth connection from my iPhone (don't you just love technology). I love listening to good music, drinking Nespresso and relaxing, doing things on my computer I never get time to do normally. No where to go. Nobody in my office. An entire day to my own devices. And the public holiday sort of crept up on me this year so I made no plans apart from this morning's run. Nothing to do but breathe.

Note to self: I should do this more often.

Running is a gift, not just for the gifted

I started running in 2008, at 38 I was overweight, unfit and totally not sporty. For 38 years of my life I had not owned a decent pair of running shoes or even proper training attire. Ask anybody in my family, I am known for being a bookworm. My weight was always an issue, and being diagnosed with Hashimoto's in my mid-twenties, resulted in a thyroidectomy (removal of the thyroid) at 28. Apart from being able to swallow without feeling like someone was trying to throttle me, the removal of my thyroid did not magically heal me or solve my weight issues. I then started on a long journey of self-doubt, depression about not being able to solve my problems and general unhappiness about my body and health. I felt, that somehow my body's failings was my fault, I couldn't be strict enough or "good" enough for prolonged periods of time to maintain low-fat, low-carb, high-lettuce diets. After some additional upheaval in my personal life in 2008, I started running. I just ran on a treadmill every night to cope initially, but also noticed that suddenly I lost a bit of weight. I introduced a new habit (after about 6 weeks of regular running). Soon I walked less and ran a bit more, but I was still skittish to run "outside" on "roads" and with "people". I discovered my iPod and listened to music, or watched TV whilst working on my treadmill.

The Randburg Valentines 10km Night Race was my first. I remember the overwhelming crowds and people and the sheer magic of the carnival-like atmosphere. As an inexperienced newbie I just got into the batch at the back and started plodding. It's big race and congested, but I didn't mind. This was just to see if I liked it. I did. I finished in just under 75 minutes and received a coffee mug at the finish. My first race, I was proud and not broken, but I was still and outsider. I just sort of stood around, didn't know anybody, did not know what to do and then wandered off to my car to go home. Great experience, but I did not feel like I fitted in. Little did I know that this was the beginning of something that would become a major part of my life. I could not have guessed the many gifts running would and still bestows on me.

The next day, everything was sore, mostly my joints. The switch from treadmill to road, catching up with me, but I didn't feel discouraged, just kind of surprised that I managed it. After that race, I found the treadmill boring. I wanted to run on the road this was the first warning sign. I started jogging in my suburb, alone and very nervous, At first a bit hesitantly, but I slowly found my way and shortly started rewarding myself with gadgets (first a new iPod, then a polar heart rate monitor and finally I upgraded to my first Garmin GPS watch in 2010). I look back today and I know, after that one 10km race, I was hooked, even though I did not know it yet.

In 2008, I ran 5 races (all 10s), in 2009 I ran 19, including my first 15km, my first half marathon and then my first Tough One (32km). It was the beginning of the trend. Set a goal, train for it and then do it. At that stage, race times were still very abstract to me. Mathematically I understood the concepts but sub-60 minutes for a 10km race meant little to me. I slowly gained confidence though and even though I was still racing alone, and not thinking of myself as a runner nor as a "runner", it became my weekend thing. I looked for races on the calendar and these to train for goal races. In 2009 it was the Tough One. Races were and easy way to train, because I was still running alone. Honestly I thought the Tough One would be the longest race I would aim for (ever), a small part of me thought, maybe a marathon one day, way way in the future. And in 2009 I started a friendship, my best friend, Lesley and I met at pottery. I had started pottery to try and branch out, make friends, in an effort not become the lonely cat-lady in my suburb. I was fortunate. Lesley noticed that I was a lonely, lost, broken girl and adopted me. We soon became training buddies. We ran together 3 times a week after work or on a Saturday morning and found that we were soon part of each other's lives. Sometimes, she'd tell me about her glory days, and her Comrades training and her runs and I'd be in awe. Today she is a very part-time runner. Injuries and pushing herself too hard for her goals during her peak years almost caused her to have to stop running altogether. We've however managed to make adjustments to our training lives to always keep her part of our training. She gently pushed me to try longer distances, that is races beyond 10 kms. Which in my mind had been my limit. My first 15km (Khose 15km) nearly broke me. Those hills! But she also ran the then Township 15km with me and we pushed the last km and I discovered the concept of pacing. I was such a novice, but hidden in the training sessions, was a surprise gift, running gave me the gift of friendships.

My first half marathon (21.2 km) was the Wally. I finished in a respectable time of 2:11, I was much younger then :-) and as I finished a 70 year old oomie, finished behind me and told me well done. My first introduction to running conversation. I smiled and said it's my first 21 Oom. He smiled and said it his 100th or something in that order of magnitude. The number was huge, I forgot the actual number, but he said, he kept a record of each race he's ever run. I immediately started my own and have been keeping track of races since then. Once you've start, it's the coolest thing. I have a sheet that tally my races (date, finish times and distances). Since 2009 for example, I've run 53 half marathons and wait for it, 6 Tough Ones. I've been fortunate to have been able to run the Tough One every year since 2009. It was my first ever goal race! After the second one I noticed some people with different numbers and I overheard that one gets a special number if you've done 10 Tough Ones, so it became a goal. I want to run 10 of those! It was one of my first big running dreams, another running gift, the gift of dreaming. It's where it really started for me - in retrospect of course. The true engagement with what running is all about. Commitment to a goal. Another running gift, the gift of discipline, building towards something far in the future, the gift of commitment. I've not had a few really tough, Tough Ones, and the finish times are almost irrelevant, it's the dream that counts. So my tally of races (and I only count formal ones) and distances via races grew from five 10km races in 2008.

Somewhere along the line, I became a runner. Without knowing it or even realising it, I slowly started to believe. Slowly started to dream and then set goals. Some goals were kind of stretch goals, but somehow each time you finished a race, it felt like a little more belief grew in that dark corner of your mind. In 2010, I finally joined a club. I've been a Randburg Harrier ever since. The trouble was, I was not a Comrades runner and this is a club very much Comrades-centered. So I felt a bit "left out" or on the sidelines, not being a natural integrator an not really believing I am a real runner. I started helping out but never got the courage together to actually join in on the club runs. I just felt I was too slow, and I didn't know any runners.  I did not know runners and did not realise how easy it would have been to do this, but I know this was all part of my journey. It was a strange period in my life and even though I was a member of a running club, and even though I was running many races, I really did not find my groove within the club until much later. It is hard when you don't know people to just become part of a group by osmosis. This has never been my strong suit, socially, but I am persistent at least. I am still a Harrier and have integrated and received another gift, the gift of belonging. I am truly a club member now. I feel like a member and most of all, I feeling like a runner.

Running is a gift. Many gifts in fact. Running saved my life in many ways. It's given me the gift of belonging, the gift of dreaming, the gift of achievement, the gift of friendship and the gift of acceptance. Joy and pain are part of being a runner and a human being. Running's gifts, to all, not just the gifted, is why we run. It is greater than the individual, but it is all about the individual.

I wonder if it was meant to remind me this year especially, with Gift winning the Comrades and me having people around me that are starting their personal journeys and working on their own running goals. It's time to think and accept the gifts. It's time to share. It's time to be.

This morning I read Bo's blog how she's not planning to run the Comrades ever (maybe), never (perhaps), possibly (not planning it) and I laughed. Out loud. I remember those days. I remember when I thought, running a marathon is beyond my ability. I also remember the day I ran my first marathon, the day a tiny seed was planted in my head; somebody said: "If you can run this race, you can run the Comrades." I brushed it off and thought, not me (for sure, maybe). I shrugged politely and said, shew it's such a big commitment...

Making chutney the LC way

Cooking is one of my hobbies. Just like I don't refer to myself as a "runner" I also don't use the word "foodie" to describe myself either. Yet, I do tend to "design" and "reverse engineer" recipes. I have enjoyed cooking before Masterchef made it trendy for amateurs to cook in the open. I've always been experimental in the kitchen and thus are able to accept failure. What I am not, is a precise cook. Every recipe I try, is tweaked. I may use a complex recipe accurately once to learn a new technique, but I am notorious for colouring outside of the lines of recipes. Cooking is a creative process for me. I love creating things and it's like playtime. Over the last few years, TV chefs have exposed us all to new ideas and concepts so my fairly experimental nature combined with these influences generally added to my fearlessness in the kitchen. Before Masterchef I was unaware of stuff like ice cream makers and fancy puréed veggies! Not having any formal training, I've just been cooking by the seat of my pants and things I've read about. I read recipes for fun, like some people read news articles, I read recipes.  Once I made the switch to LCHF eating, I've also started experimenting with find some alternatives for the things one might miss. I discovered that converting foods we know to real food versions, were often quite fun and easier than one thinks. First off, we don't regularly buy pre-made low-carb or Banting products. I try to make and bake our own food from first principles. Just because inevitably, very few products have no unwanted additives. There are some, but you have to find those and often they are not easy to find. I am not a Banting Purist, but I think all of us that believes eating like this is the right way for them, should take responsibility for yourself, know your reasons for eating like this. This is not a fad diet. Despite the "fadness" associated with it. Always know why you choose to eat certain things and why you avoid others. I have a few fixed rules apart from the obvious carbs, I avoid soya, seed oils, sugar, fructose, maltitol and additives with chemical names you cannot pronounce; I aim to eat carbs only from veggies and nuts. My first principle is to keep it real, and to eat mostly fresh food. Yes it limits "fast food" options, but I have several tactics to make sure we are covered in this regard. I stock the fridge with mini-quiches, cheese, cream and we always have seed crackers and homemade low-carb bread in the house. There are some things we miss. And it's not pasta or potatoes. It's a bit of chutney on the side. I don't trust most "sugar free" products on the market, it is horrifying how often these things have additives from my forbidden list. 

In my previous life, which included sugar of course, I made jam and chutney every year from the fruit from my own trees (a totally organic apricot and peach tree). Once we switched to a low-carb lifestyle, I was a bit at a loss during fruit season, the sheer volume of fruit is astounding. Between Carl and myself we could eat maybe 3-6 peaches each in the season. My trees bear about 20 to 30 kg fruit per season! Not counting the losses (dropped fruit) and my donation to the birds. Just fruit suitable to eat or cook with. We normally strip the tree at some point to prevent wastage. However, it is way too much to eat whilst fresh. My general thoughts on fruit: We eat seasonal berries mostly with the odd peach or melon (low-carb fruits predominantly) and I don't eat them daily. I eat fruit as a treat.  So the obvious thing to do with a fruit tree is to find ways to save the fruit in a sensible manner that allows us to have some access to the fruit later in the year. So I decided to freeze some peaches during the fruit season to give me some time to think on it. I chopped and cleaned and weighed batches and froze the fruit in my freezer, ready for a day of experimental cooking. And this weekend I attempted to convert my traditional chutney recipe to a low-carb friendly version by replacing the sugar with a sweetener. Even though it is dense in fruit sugar, at least it has no "added" sugar. I also did not add raisins as per traditional recipes. Clearly this is not a big challenge, but I was still curious to see how the sweetener and traditional recipe would meld. 

In the pot...

Cooking slowly....

From 1.5kg of frozen peaches, I made my first batch of low carb friendly chutney. I am very happy with the outcome. It tastes delicious. Looks like the real thing. And was pretty easy to make. Happiness. 

If you've never made chutney before, I will include my recipe in this blog. With  my tips and tricks. Chutney is far easier than jam in my opinion, but I do have a few tricks. 

The product, bottled and ready for use.

Isabel's Peach Chutney

(no added sugar)

For my first batch I used xylitol. Just because I had some available to risk on a large experiment. I generally prefer using erythritol. The studies I read confirmed that dogs can tolerate erythritol and if they ingest the sweetener, it usually would be in very small amounts. My understanding is however that xylitol has some impact on insulin and is toxic for dogs. I'd rather be safe in this regard. I do not recommend eating an entire bottle of my No sugar added chutney. This is a condiment, and should be used in this way. As long as one keeps the carb content in mind, I don't think it will do much harm. A spoon-full on a hamburger or as a side to a curry should be just the thing. Basically life is good! 

Here's my recipe, for the sake of completeness. Any recipe will work. Just know, it's been tested and was a great success. Happy cooking! 

Isabel's No Added Sugar Chutney

1.5 kg peaches, chopped into pieces and pips removed
300 g onions, chopped (chunky is fine)
2 small sweet peppers, chopped
400 ml vinegar
350 g sweetener of choice (xylitol or erythritol) or sugar if you don't follow low-carb
5 ml ground ginger
2 ml fine garlic
5 ml chili (paste if you can)
2 ml cayenne pepper
3 ml salt
10 ml garam masala or mild curry powder
2 ml turmeric
2 ml ground cumin

Note on spices: this is just my mixture, it is actually really flexible, less or more spice as per your choice.

Place all your ingredients into a large pot. It works easier if the volume of the fruit and fluids are half of your pot's volume. This makes cooking easier (and less risk of burning). I prefer using a larger pot and the smaller burner on my stove, this helps with heat control. Slow and steady is the secret to a nice colour and preventing burning. Hopefully you have empty bottles and lids in the house...Make sure they are clean, I wash mine on the hottest cycle in the dishwasher then rinse it with Vodka. Especially the lids.

Cook your chutney over a low heat for at least 1 hour, but this is where the judgement comes in. The fruit should be soft and "translucent" in appearance. You can risk a taster to make sure your flavour is in the right area. Once you are happy with the fruit, a quick tip is zap the mixture for a few seconds with a blitz-stick. This helps to thicken the chutney. Some people use thickener and you could also sprinkle a pinch of Xantam Gum powder, but be very careful. It is easy to mess this up. My preference is to thicken it with the fruit. You can also just squish it with a masher, the fruit is soft enough at this stage. Don't over do the blitzing. You still want it to look like chunky fruity chutney.

Let it cook on low heat once you've done your assisted thickening bit. Be careful of splashing and burning, now that the viscosity is higher.

Sterilize your bottles again with boiling water and rinse the lids with alcohol. Set all ready for use. I use a 500 ml plastic jug to fill my bottles. If you are lucky enough to have a jam funnel, use it. I hold the bottle by the neck (with metal tongs) whilst pouring in the chutney into the bottle - over the pot. Slightly less messy. Also once filled, put it down and wipe the top with a clean (vodka soaked) cloth. If your lid is old or you intend to keep your chutney for a while, cut a piece of cling wrap and cover the bottle before putting the lid on. This prevents the lid from rusting. Especially with chutney. For a small batch like this I used about 5 bottles of varying volume (250 to 350 ml) - you can easily use 2 or 3 bigger ones, but I intended to give some away so I use smaller bottles generally for the "boutique" batches.

The best feeling is hearing the lids "pop" as they cool down. I always get a kick out of that! If you don't feel like doing it the "hard way" you can really just put it in plastic containers in your fridge. Should last long, but I would halve the recipe or plan to give some away. It is too much to keep in the fridge as one batch (in my opinion). 

Where is the summer sun?

I've gone from feeling like an champ mere hours ago to feeling this cruddy? Must be that virus alert that was sent out: Here she is, all confident and happy, let's get her! A truck ran over me. Funny how a cold can make you feel so terrible so quickly. Head pounding. Eyes puffy. Sigh. And how is it possible to have a runny and blocked nose at the same time? I don't like winter. I like long days and warm summer evenings. I struggle with winter running, the dark mostly. I don't mind the chill, but it's always night? I get up, go to work, it is night. I go to running, I get home, it's still night. Where is the sun. After Comrades, we were back at track on Monday, glorious easy running and I had hope. Maybe this winter will be better. I won't be so useless. If we can keep fit throughout, it will be the perfect base for the coming months. This is merely 48 hours ago...this stupid virus knocked my front teeth out. All I want is to go home and sleep. My main aim for today is not to give in to the urge to close my door and sleep under my desk. I am achieving this via double-podding my Nespresso coffees. I think I may be on my 10th pod for the day already and it is only lunch time. So far it's achieving the target of keeping me more or less upright.

Why I don't like winter:

the second toe on my left foot itches
my fingers are always cold
my toes hurt
I never see the sun
winter PJs throttle me in my sleep
cats are selfish sleepers
(see throttling issue)
all I want to do is snack even if I am not hungry
I drink too much coffee
my skin is so dry it burns and I look like I am ashing
(despite all the moisturizer I use)
it is always dark
my birthday looms
hibernation seems like a feasible vacation destination
days are shorter
cleaning out the fireplace
washing dishes
getting out of the shower
the dead garden
cracked lips

And because I promised myself that I would try to be a more balanced person...

What I love about winter:

hot chocolate, sugar free of course
(but I drink this in summer too)
creamy soups
fires
you always have a cat on your lap
my birthday presents
wearing long coats
(need to get a matrix leather one)
the winter solstice
(because it is the first step towards summer)

Clearly I am not a great candidate to go and work in  Scandinavia or Canada, but at least I know what I like.

#Comrades2015 (Part 3) - I've been a little preoccupied...

So back at work, two days after my run. Things quickly fell into normal. I have 2 medals in my pocket and a grin on my face, but most people at work do not run. No fanfare, no flowers, no music... And 1..2..3.. I am back to reality...sigh. A few friends and colleagues come by, phone say congratulations. Most of the day is quiet, catching up with work stuff. My office feels like a prison. Maybe coming to work was not such a great idea after all! Midday I check my phone. Facebook exploded with pictures. As people got home and started uploading pictures, suddenly I remember the feeling again, I feel like I am riding a wave again. I am cool again. I post, I tweet, I blog and phew I remember that feeling. I just did something fantastic. Even if nobody really cares! Sigh, I am my own champion. But the realization of my littleness in this world brought to mind the story of Part 3. How do I say thank you? During race day there is very little time to say thanks to the people along the way that helps you, whether it is supporters or co-runners, random strangers. Sometimes it only hit me later how much a gesture or word really meant to me, I never had time to say "Thank You!".

The real champions are the supporters, the strangers on the road but mostly your willing, long suffering friends who travel the entire day in heat and traffic to see you for 5 seconds next to the road, merely to pack up and trek to the next meeting point. The supporters who patiently sit in the car while you slog on the road to fetch you at the finish. The friends who greet you on the road as if nothing is as great as doing this one thing today. I love you all forever. I know I can never say thanks the way I should say it. The shouts and encouragements next to the road echos in my mind, more than a week after the race. I am so humbled by the people, many non-runners, who just commit fully to the runners. As you move towards the finish, you see people next to the road, some in front of their homes, just camping out for the day, watching the parade of runners go by. The amazing thing is, that many supporters stay for the guys at the back. Some supporters, clearly not runners say silly things. I think it is the enthusiasm that counts not the words. I know it is sometimes tough to here "It's all downhill from here" when you know Polly Shortts are still awaiting you. Just smile. All I hear is the crowd. Even where people crowd too close to the runners it just adds to the atmosphere. It reminds me of the Tour de France on the mountain stages where cyclists are literally cheered up the hills. Some places are like that. It's just people, noise, a beautiful noise.

My ode of thanks is to my supporters, the many anonymous supporters of the Comrades, my fellow Junkies, the runners on the day and my family and friends who supported me via Facebook-Likes and messages. My thank-you-anthem really should be as powerful as an anthem. A long list of names, just hauntingly listed in awe, because without you I would never have been able to make it to the start, never mind the finish.

Christopher Torr wrote a song, Hot Gates. An unbelievable, haunting anthem that chills and inspires at the same time. A piece of music that just captures sin the fewest possible words the essence of the message, so powerful and it echos in your mind. (YouTube - Hot Gates.) 

I wish I could be as eloquent as Christopher Torr. I wish I could write something so powerful. Alas, all I have is a slightly cliched...Thanks for being the wind beneath my wings.

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Hot Gates

London Paris Rome Berlin
Barcelona Washington
Moscow Beijing Tokyo
Jerusalem Jericho
Srebrenica Sebokeng
Sarajevo O Saigon
Hiroshima Rubicon

I can see a fiery, fiery glow
Even as the sun is sinking low
I can see a horseman on the run
Oh my daughter, oh my son

Frankfurt New York Lockerbie
Amajuba Bellevue
Chappaquiddick Waterloo
Heilbron Hobhouse Gettysburg
Belfast Budapest Baghdad
Berchtesgaden Stalingrad
Sharpeville My Lai Boipatong
Delville Wood El Alamein
St Helena Mitchell’s Plain
Belsen Buchenwald Auschwitz
Nagasaki O Versailles
Armageddon Thermopylae
Waco Waco Bethlehem
Dunkirk Dover Normandy
Bucharest St Petersburg
Carthage Dresden Babylon

Balaklava Austerlitz

Words and music: Christopher Torr