Nearly 45

Molly (RIP

It's nearly that time of year again. I hardly noticed last year's birthday. Molly had just passed away and I never am fully functional in winter anyway. I believe it is related to the lack of sun. I hardly ever see the sun in winter. We get to work so early (before the sun is really up) and unless the sun is still shining when we train, after work, we get home after dark and an entire day goes by without the sun. Lately, I've been feeling very uninspired. It all started with the injury and not being able to run. I have been taking action to mitigate this miserableness I am feeling. Actively taking control of my diet, measuring my progress, doing my budget, planning things etc. This birthday is just strange this year. It feels like I am still 39 and I don't want to be 45. I feel unhappy about it. Something I never really felt when I turned 40. Between 39 and 45, I've been very busy with "doing" things. Living life. Since my 40th birthday, life has changed. I am a late bloomer and both professionally and personally things have really only started to take off for me since my late 30s. I am not a dweller. Normally my view is "move forward" as soon as possible. If I cannot change it, deal with it. If something didn't work, I try to move on and find a better way. Life is just that actually. Move on (Keep Calm and...) and try to improve on what you did previously. For me "45" feels a bit like a way-point. It's on my journey but it is not my destination. I need to go past this to get to my destination, but it is not the destination and I don't actually know what the destination is. Wouldn't it be great if Garmin sold Life-GPS maps. You could upgrade your GPS to help you navigate your life. I hope my Life-GPS will take me to new and exciting places in the year to come. I just want to feel happy and grateful for another year of blessings. I have been very lucky this year. So many things have been wonderful and I've grown so much. I know this feeling is temporary and soon, very soon I hope, I will feel inspired again. I hope it is tomorrow. 

Then I watched the New Balance video. I cried, and laughed and ached and just generally remembered how great my life actually is. I am 45 young on Monday. So what! It's just a number. My job is to find the dreams, then do it.

#IComrades Video