I like history and stories. In my field, metallurgical, it is quite an interesting period in history at the moment. This year for example, is the 100th anniversary of Stainless Steel. This little invention basically changed the world and in 2013 we celebrate this significant milestone. Anyway, so I pop off to the website to look at the 100 years of stainless steel video and nearly cracked a rib laughing. They have Jeremy Irons telling the story of "iron". Oh my word...did somebody do this on purpose! I think it is hilarious.Well that said. Perhaps a bit subtle as a joke, but I found it funny.
On Thursday I am off to Kazakhstan for a conference where I am due to present a paper. Not going to bore anybody with the technical stuff, but it is quite a trip. So I will come back and be able to say, I saw Kazakhstan and due to a 15 hour lay-over each way, also quite a bit of Istanbul. First trip with my Canon on my hip so hopefully I can come back with fantastic photographs too.
Unfortunately, thus far, I don't have my passport yet. The said passport is still in London due to travel to SA today (Tuesday) and reach me, hopefully, on Thursday morning. By the way I fly on Thursday evening. So tight. Not at all due to poor planning on my part. Silly passport's been in London for 2 months, the Kazakhstan visa process is just somewhat slow and the red tape is....uhm...well very troublesome.
I will report back shortly with highlights of Kazakhstan and Turkey.

Video of 100 years of Stainless Steel for the curious ones

Just another day

On Wednesday the 1st of May 2013 we ran our marathon (42.2km). The Wally. 

It was a fantastic feeling to finally achieve what we've been training for the last three months. We trained and trained, and suffered and lost some weight and finally ran the race. Got the t-shirt and the blisters to prove it. The race ended up being really tough as Carl struggled with de-hydration and low blood sugar, so we worked hard for our medal and still, despite the set-back finished in 4:47 (sub 5 hours is what one needs to qualify for Comrades). 

For a first attempt, I am proud and happy and I know we have scope to improve our time significantly. So, just to prove a point, on Sunday (5 May) we decide to test our legs and we ran the Colgate 32km race. The second half was the toughest running I've done. Although I suspect that one's mind is a fickle thing and I have just blanked out the pain I felt up those steps last year during the Great Wall Marathon for example, but Sunday's running was tough. Three rest days was perhaps barely enough, although we probably would have be fine if we had stuck to 15km. But anyway, we ran fairly conservative during the marathon and on Sunday basically had not choice. The body was just tired, my legs ached and complained and I had to dig deeeeeep. The good thing is that I feel we've ticked another box on our "Shall we do the Comrades next year" checklist. We've achieved a few firsts: We ran our furthest distance together and we ran 74.2km in a week. So we've demonstrated that despite our impediments,

I am contemplating the next challenge. The problem is that now, with June looming, very few races are available and with the loss of light we tend to struggle to do distance in the week. So inevitably the fitness level drops a bit. I am focusing on getting to goal weight - no more cheating (because I deserve it after the run). Just refocusing after all the "carbo-loading" I permitted myself the past two weeks. It was a holiday from being good. I am now focused to get the last 3 kilos off and get the certificate. Carl got his life membership and certificate yesterday. I am so jealous. Cannot help myself! I want to get the secret book that tells you how much chocolate you can eat and stay at goal weight :-)

This week we've started to put the normal routine back into place. Running Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. This week we are doing short and light running, but slowly we will get back to +40km per week and keep up the good work. It was so hard to get this fit, I refuse to just let it fade away. I refuse! I leave you with my one of my favourite running quotes:

 

"I run to feel complete, to feel alive, to feel happy, and to feel free. I run to visit beautiful places, to overcome my fears...And to remind myself, and others, that our limits may not be where we think they are." - Chrissie Wellington

Hope (noun)

 A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen... 
 

Tomorrow

Tomorrow things will be better. I was thinking that last night, despite my ramblings of the past few posts, I am still an enternal optimist. I live in South Africa, but I refuse to be just negative. I want to believe that things will get better, even against the odds, despite logic...I am a believer.

A friend sent me this picture this morning, and I smiled. I thought wistfully last night before I fell asleep: "I am sure tomorrow will be better".

Tomorrow for me is not mañana, meaning "not today" or "tomorrow" in Spanish. I am too much of a planner to just let life take me. When you ask a Spaniard to do something for you and they say "mañana", what they actually mean is "What you asked me to do is not important to me and I'll get around to it when I can. My "tomorrow" is a proactive dream or the opportiny for something great to happen. Perhaps tomorrow, I will get to do more fun stuff at work. Perhaps tomorrow, something great will happen. Anything is possible...tomorrow.

All I have to keep doing is: believe..
So mystical land here I come :-)

More questions?

It took a while, but we are mostly back to normal. I still have a strange sense of loss though. It is not the loss of my stuff. I've lost my sense of direction or purpose in all of the drama. And then today the news from Boston breaks and my world tilts just a little more towards the "nothing makes sense anymore" angle.
Running events are my safe place. Emotionally and physically.
Early morning starts, fresh air, laughing, chatting runners huddled together, the anticipation in the air and the wonderful sense that anything is possible. I always feel closer to people and somehow there is a sense that we are all just human beings doing something we love!

And then somebody evil destroys an event like then Boston Marathon and my heart breaks. And I don't have words...

Only questions and no answers.

A box of chocolates

The past few weeks have been a mixed bag of hard work, hardship and hard yards.

On Monday the 18th of March, I got the dreaded phone call from the neighbour and armed response. There's been an incident at home. I fly home at top speed, knowing my cleaning lady was home alone. It turns out we had an armed robbery; held at knife point while they ransacked our house. Virtually the entire contents of our cupboards were on the floor (especially in the main bedroom) and I lost all my jewelery. I am not a big collector or anything, but I had a few old heirloom pieces (more than a hundred years old) that is now gone. The chaos was traumatic. The police caught a suspect, but three got away with stuff. Overall some items were recovered. Amongst these were our running shoes! And some of the electronic appliances (PS3, iPad, phones etc).It is such a strange feeling to see all your stuff, packed in your own bags, in the back of a police vehicle. They handed the stuff over the wall. The flat screen TV was damaged (screen cracked) and the guys that got away got my camera (see Canon Day). Anyway, the entire insurance inquisition that followed left me traumatised and weak. I felt like I was in a Nazi camp. Despite the ordeal, the insurance covered most things and we have a replacement TV and camera and I have to get some jewelery back, but somehow the joy of the getting new things don't really apply. It is just tainted. I am grateful nobody got hurt. I took Liz for trauma counseling, and she bounced back wonderfully. My pcyche got a bit dented.I couldn't sleep for a week. But even that is getting better now. Maybe because we are spending a small fortune on palisade and electrical fencing infrastructure (and trust me it is on the scale of infrastructure!) Nobody was physically hurt, the puppies are safe (the thieves were kind enough to close the gate and leave them alone), but I've been generally sad. Sad at the waste (broken things), the lost heirlooms and family history and the lost children (because they were juveniles) who's lives are so wasted. 

I felt violated. They touched and searched through my clothes, stole my clothes and shoes and stuff. I had to wash all my clothes again before I felt better. 

I've felt a bit lost too. Once somebody's thrown the content of all the cupboards on the floor, it is weird how you can't find stuff. I don't know if we've misfiled it or if it is stolen. I just feel frustrated because I am looking for things all the time - never knowing if it is gone or not.
At work, it's been a month of being Acting Manager of our division again. We still don't have a new manager after 7 months, it is getting a bit like boot camp. Every few weeks you get your turn to be in managment boot camp. I am a wreck. Working hard on my own ulcer.
Between the chaos at home and the stress at work, my body is just not rebooting properly anymore. This past week's been rougher than most and I even struggled to be enthusiastic about running. So we pushed a few kays through, but it was hard yards.
Where am I now? Craving some comfort food, even decadent KFC or some form of take-out food, just because I am tired of toeing the line. I want to put foot down and speed down the highway at 160km/h and not care about fines. I want to stay at home because I feel like it and not feel guilty about work. I just want to be for a bit.
My life's been a bit like the Gumpian "box of chocolates" of late, and all I can think of is, gimme some of the cocoa goodness...now! Stop the bus, I want to get off. I am not going anywhere.

Hard work and rewards

Sunday we ran our second half marathon of this year in an exciting 2:13 (Edenvale), more than 10 minutes faster than our first this year 2 weeks earlier. We both were a bit creaky afterwards, but we felt proud. We couldn't run on Tuesday or Wednesday and Monday was our rest day. The weather spoke loud and clear (lightning and thunder) and we chose to not run. So after weeks of running 5 times a week, this sudden break caught me slightly off gaurd. I suddenly felt fat like I picked up weight overnight (I am not kidding). My urge to snack increased dramatically. All I could think about is my weight and food and how much I miss cheese. Psychologically I struggle with adjusting my self image accurately relative to my actual weight. Since mid-January I've lost 5.4kg and yet my mind is still convinced the weight will jump back on if I drop my guard for a second. Intellectually, I know this not to be true. The thing that fascinates me is how our emotions (the baggage we have) can play havoc with our general mindset even when you are aware of the pitfalls. I struggle with weightloss and it is doubly hard with no thyroid, but we've been really good and have hardly stepped of the healthy diet track in nearly 3 months. I have to train like a demon to stay fit, my body's natural state is "couch fit". My weight has always been a struggle. I have had a few good years but I have never been super thin. So weightloss and training is always an uphill battle for me. And there are in life, like in a race usually more uphill than the downhill, but man when you hit a downhill after you worked hard up a steep one, that feeling of freedom is beyond description. It often just clicks, a few kilometers into race: your stride feels fluid, you feel like a real athlete and your breathing is easy. In that moment your mind is clear and bright and the world feels like a fabulous place and if you are lucky, your iPod is blaring a good song right at that moment. The high is so worth all the effort. Not because your brain is duped by good chemicals, but because your body is doing something that you've worked hard to achieve. We are but physical beings, even I, who scoffed at physical stuff most of my life and focussed on the intellect, am totally converted. A runner's high is rare and usually short lived, but it is so worth it. May we all have a few "runner's highs" today, no matter what we do! I leave with this favourite quote:

"I often hear someone say I'm not a real runner. We are all runners, some just run faster than others. I never met a fake runner." -Bart Yasso

And later (maybe next month)...

Sometimes you just need some beautiful

gedagte-heelal

soms is jy my
maan
wat gedagte-getye
laat eb en vloed

soms is jy ‘n
sterrereën
wat my dorre siel
kom voed

en soms is jy die
son
waarom ek kring in‘n
ons-om-wenteling

©Isabel Geldenhuys

I was reminded by a friend that sometimes, we just need some beauty. And a poem and photograph says more than any babbling blogging can.

The hard yards

It's now time for the hard yards, the slog, the grind. Training for longer distances is not like just running for the soul. There is sometimes less joy and soul when your training get to the hard yards phase. The problem is Mondays, the count starts at zero for week. The grind starts all over again! And you are at the bottom of a very steep hill. By Wednesday/Thursday I start getting into the groove and on Saturday I am feeling like a champion for sticking with the plan.
I thought I was immune to the grind of building the foundation, but stepping up the distance and then adding on top of that losing weight stresses (and tiredness)... it al adds up to a bit of a "lull" in the mood. Two nights in a row now we went to bed at 20:30. And slept. Slept like a moss-covered log. Last week's efforts were impressive, we upped the total kilometers for the week to 54 km. Which meant two long runs on the weekend. I know the hard yards need to be done (run), but it can make one feel a little snowed under. It helps me to stand still for a moment and remember that there is joy in the running. Stop and smell the fresh air, enjoy the beautiful sunrise and the new shoe smell. Remember to not focus on only the hard work, effort, sweat and tired feet. This is usually when I pull out my spreadsheet and graphs. Since actively starting to train this year (after recovery from my op), we've completed more than 200 km (in about 2 months). Not too shabby. Since starting this journey I've lost 4.8 kg - not only a huge advantage when running, but also a great morale booster. So when I get discouraged, I look at my records and I add up the numbers and I remember that the hard yards also add up and in a month these same tough times will no longer be "the hard yards", they will just be hard facts, telling the story of progress. I feel better already!

My quote for the day: There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results. (Kenneth Blanchard) - Running is all about commitment. I never consider quitting. Sometimes you just get tired and need to remind yourself why you are putting in the time.

PS: And after all of that, we are on the list for our Botswana adventure in August. Watch this space!

Pep talk

My blog is my way of seeing my feelings. When I try to tell people, explain somehow I trip up to find the right words. I like writing so it could just be that. I like finding a nice way to tell a simple story or express a simple thought. There is a small hope of course that someday it will be read, and maybe even inspire or help. Overall though it is mostly a self focused activity. Writing down the feelings of the day or the moment. Contemplating my surroundings. Thinking about stuff "out loud". And sometimes the act of writing down how I feel, inspires me. Taking stock refreshes my perspective. So today I write, because I need a pep talk. I feel empty. Uninspired. A little worn down and tired. I have a pile of work to do, and yet I am totally unproductive - something I am not known for. I am a hard worker. Any boss would be happy to have me. I go the extra mile and have high standards for myself and my work. Yet, here I am unfocused, restless, uninspired.  Staring at my screen - blankly. Maybe I have Friday fever, maybe I am just getting older and life's stresses do not roll of my back as easily anymore. Does it eventually happen to us all? Did I just become less adaptable as the years passed by? I worry that this is more than just "a bad day". I worry about permanently feeling worried. I worry about everything. I think I have always been a bit of a worry wort. Being the eldest child I have always had a weird sense of responsibility. But I think getting older is the issue at hand; and I cannot detach myself from the worrying like I used to. As a result, even the little things are getting to me. So I fumble and end up feeling worse about my moodiness and general grumpiness.  I end up worrying about worrying.

And now that I have admitted this? Back to the drawing board. I don't think all of this is just a simple straight shooter of "I am getting old". The cocktail I am sipping is a complex mix of real trouble and a dash of melancholy for simpler times. My physical, emotional and mental capacity are stretched thin and this won't change overnight. My plan is simple. Admit I had the cocktail and sober up. Keep up the fitness, lose the weight (4.4 kg down already) and re-focus on short term goals. Big stuff like re-thinking my career path will have to be dealt with, but right now there are not many options and it's perhaps not as time sensitive as it feels. I have some time to think. Think, but less worrying. Thinking with less grumpy.

There is no truth

This past week has brought up all the feelings I had when the Lance Armstrong story broke many months ago. I felt let down, betrayed and just plain disappointed. I know it is wrong of society (me included) to make these mere mortals into superstars. Superstars that will inevitably let us down or disappoint us. But we fall in the trap over and over again. Thinking, hey this guy must be wonderful, he fought cancer, or overcame a disability...
Lance's deceit ruined an entire sport for me. An avid Tour de France couch supporter, I shouted support up those mountains and during the Olympics we cried with joy when Oscar was allowed to run. Both men overcame so much to achieve their dreams. Lance and Oscar both seemed to be good causes.
And now we have this mess - tragic and beyond fixing. Even if Oscar's super-legal team can cast enough doubt and get him off, nobody will ever be sure and of course no way will the truth ever be presented. All the spin in the world cannot fix this however. In a way, his money, his contacts, his reputation will always count against him, but this is not the point. It is just sad. A tragedy, forever.
How much did we contribute to this? As society we repeatedly fall in the trap and expect these talented people to be role models, to be perfect, to be kind, to be healthy, balance and honest personalities - just because of their achievements. It is a flawed premise and yet here we are. People are picking sides and making comments and judgements. A girl is dead. No matter what follows, there will be some reckoning for this. A girl is dead, a young man's life is ruined, two families will struggle with this for the rest of their lives and we sit on the sidelines commenting and judging. Would this have happened if society hadn't adored these people for being fast and beautiful? Who knows, but I fear this cycle seems to perpetuate. When fame and money is in the mix it seems there is no truth. Don't we still al believe OJ got away with murdering his ex-wife?

Canon-day

My new camera arrived Saturday and...I took a picture with my iPad to capture the moment. Ironic, isn't it?
I've wanted to invest in a good camera for years, and finally decided it is time. So I took a few photos of the puppies and the cats :-) Yes, very exciting! Well I tell myself, I have to start somewhere. The buttons, the options are so amazing. Nerd-girl that I am all of this is of course intrigueing, but I am going to hunt for a photography course, because my camera is so fancy I feel slightly overwhelmed.
In the meantime, a few frivolous pics of the furry-ones will keep me occupied.

The Wooden Spoon

I am not a blessed athlete. I am blessed that I am healthy and capable enough to run, but ability or talent is not overflowing from my running cup. Sometimes during a race or training run, my much faster, taller, male running partner will say something like "I really feel like pushing and hurting a bit" and he speeds off into the distance. And even though I support him fully, it's tough to be the wooden spoon. So. I plod along after him, pushing as fast as I can, whilst quickly running (pardon the pun) into my limits. Panting furiously, burning, sweating and hurting I am the little engine that could not keep up the pace. Sadly. And this is not a chat about speed training or Fartleks or anything related to optimising my speed. Those things we do and talk about peripherally but the reality is that most of us, the weekend warriors, do not optimise, we train to do the job. We train to survive. I am talking about a feeling of inferiority or loss that once you verbalise it is better described as being humbled by your own physical limitations. I realise on some level that running is not really about time, even though we measure everything in time. Running is about attitude. Dealing with ones own failings, the injuries, ageing and lack of talent, is actually how we get better at it. There is of course some rewards as you train more and more but even when I am fit as fiddle there is always somebody that is "in better shape" or younger or faster or...or...or... Remembering that the how well I do, is not the same as doing well takes a bit of introspection, usually overdue :-) Maybe it's ego or competitiveness but it is hard lagging behind. Yesterday afternoon's training run was one of those runs where my partner and I was out of sync. He needed a sprint or a hard run having missed our 8 km training run on Tuesday. So on our way back from a quick 4 km, he sprinted away from me to "feel the burn". I had two choices, I could relax and gently jog back home or I could push equally hard and see how long I can keep it up. Not keeping up, but keep it up. I pushed hard. Competing against the gap between us and my own breath. 

Accepting my own physical limitations and as always running provides. Even though I still got the wooden spoon, I found a way to feel competitive. Perhaps running is all about realising that the spoon is not really there!

Recovery

My first event for 2013! We swam the Roode1000 on Sunday 27 January. I almost panicked the first 250m because suddenly I realised, I have not trained properly for 8 weeks and now suddenly I am attempting an open water swim! A year ago, I did not even regard myself as a swimmer. So I breastroke-ed the race and made it in 27min50s. Not being the swimmer in the family is a bit of a challenge but at least I did it and I was not last :-).

Our next event is still to be determined, but is seems we may forego climbing Killy this year and rather go on a 4x4 trip to Botswana this year. A new and exciting dream to plan for. 

And as of this week, I am back at work. After 6 weeks of being away, I can't say I was enthusiastic to return. I do enjoy my area of work, but like most people once you get involved in the management of a group of people and a business unit, a lot of the joy is lost. I am starting the year off by trying to write a few papers and thinking about stuff. Strategise.

We are planning our training programme for the marathon and will start next week actively managing the running. In addition, swimming will steadily continue and we started a weekly Pilates class. For balance and core strength. So far we love it and I sleep very well Monday nights. And although the dieting is a slow and painful process, we are chipping away at the fat. After 3 weeks of diligence I have lost 1200 grams. Just need to keep up the good work. Focus. Strategise. In the meantime, I hope our next adventure is just around the corner.
  

Inspiration, resolutions and peace

I am inspired.

Newly inspired to continue with my journey and blog about it too. Last year with all it's wonderful highlights was sometimes brute force tough. The year 2012 was a bit of "good cop-bad cop". I have however been re-inspired, by a moment in the park, by my family (these include friends, actual family, furry loved ones and my partner) and by my resolutions. Somehow we stuck together, even though the strangeness of 2012 hit us all quite hard. We started off last year with a serious bang, so I wonder if the universe was balancing us.  I for one feel more at peace and more appreciative of simple things. The Midmar mile and then the Great Wall Marathon were two of my year's highlights, but somehow things went a bit off the beaten track after that. Another highlight, although this one should come with a HEALTH warning, we got a second puppy. Also a long coat German Shepard...but oh boy did we not see her coming at ALL. We practically should have taken out insurance, she is a one puppy tornado. And we love her to death. Jonty is still the most wonderfully gently, kindhearted sole you will ever meet in fur, but he was lonely. Now, poor thing, it never ever stops ;-) So comment around Jonty often goes like this: "We didn't appreciate you enough when you were a puppy. Good Boy".

And with 2013 starting a bit slower than usual for me (recovery from an op in Dec), I am happy to just be here, typing away at the keyboard, hoping this year will bring lots of inspiration; and believing it actually for the first time in a while. We also have, as a family, allocated a theme for 2013 "The year of the body". I am still pondering the theme song, but the general idea is that "Sweat will be fat crying" and the scale will be our friend - at least an accomplice... to be friends after being enemies for soooo long, not every relationship can be fixed all in one year ;-), maybe next year. It is however more than just being fit and healthy. Somehow, we lost faith in our bodies during the second half of 2012. We felt let down, this year we will work together again at being "together" again. 

I have on the provisional agenda the following (some people might refer to these as "resolutions"):
1) Run a marathon (thus far we are aiming for Wally Hayward 2013) - and this would be my first local marathon)
2) Swim the Ebenezer mile 16 March 2013
3) Get fit (obviously)
4) Lose the weight
5) Appreciate
6) Climb Killy
7) Learn something new
8) Blog more :-)

Dedicated to my new blogging buddy, Max Mom. Thanks for simple gifts.
Max Mom's blog about our meeting in the park. 

PS: On Saturday morning we took the pups for a walk at a local park. Inside family joke: A pack of huskies also frequent our park and the owner gathers them by calling "Huskies"; which seems super cool when 10-15 huskies come running. Well we are trying out "Shepards" with less spectacular effect, but having a lot of fun with it. Anyway, on Saturday we met Max Mom in the park and had a lovely and inspirational visit. Nothing like the freedom and absolute happiness of puppies running around the park to cheer one up. It has become one of my favourite things on a weekend. Park Time.