Friday 19 April 2013
Wednesday 17 April 2013
Tomorrow
Tomorrow things will be better. I was thinking that last night, despite my ramblings of the past few posts, I am still an enternal optimist. I live in South Africa, but I refuse to be just negative. I want to believe that things will get better, even against the odds, despite logic...I am a believer.
A friend sent me this picture this morning, and I smiled. I thought wistfully last night before I fell asleep: "I am sure tomorrow will be better".
Tomorrow for me is not mañana, meaning "not today" or "tomorrow" in Spanish. I am too much of a planner to just let life take me. When you ask a Spaniard to do something for you and they say "mañana",
what they actually mean is "What you asked me to do is not important to
me and I'll get around to it when I can. My "tomorrow" is a proactive dream or the opportiny for something great to happen. Perhaps tomorrow, I will get to do more fun stuff at work. Perhaps tomorrow, something great will happen. Anything is possible...tomorrow.
All I have to keep doing is: believe..
So mystical land here I come :-)
Tuesday 16 April 2013
More questions?
It took a while, but we are mostly back to normal. I still have a strange sense of loss though. It is not the loss of my stuff. I've lost my sense of direction or purpose in all of the drama. And then today the news from Boston breaks and my world tilts just a little more towards the "nothing makes sense anymore" angle.
Running events are my safe place. Emotionally and physically.
Early morning starts, fresh air, laughing, chatting runners huddled together, the anticipation in the air and the wonderful sense that anything is possible. I always feel closer to people and somehow there is a sense that we are all just human beings doing something we love!
And then somebody evil destroys an event like then Boston Marathon and my heart breaks. And I don't have words...
Only questions and no answers.
Running events are my safe place. Emotionally and physically.
Early morning starts, fresh air, laughing, chatting runners huddled together, the anticipation in the air and the wonderful sense that anything is possible. I always feel closer to people and somehow there is a sense that we are all just human beings doing something we love!
And then somebody evil destroys an event like then Boston Marathon and my heart breaks. And I don't have words...
Only questions and no answers.
Friday 12 April 2013
A box of chocolates
The past few weeks have been a mixed bag of hard work, hardship and hard yards.
On Monday the 18th of March, I got the dreaded phone call from the neighbour and armed response. There's been an incident at home. I fly home at top speed, knowing my cleaning lady was home alone. It turns out we had an armed robbery; held at knife point while they ransacked our house. Virtually the entire contents of our cupboards were on the floor (especially in the main bedroom) and I lost all my jewelery. I am not a big collector or anything, but I had a few old heirloom pieces (more than a hundred years old) that is now gone. The chaos was traumatic. The police caught a suspect, but three got away with stuff. Overall some items were recovered. Amongst these were our running shoes! And some of the electronic appliances (PS3, iPad, phones etc).It is such a strange feeling to see all your stuff, packed in your own bags, in the back of a police vehicle. They handed the stuff over the wall. The flat screen TV was damaged (screen cracked) and the guys that got away got my camera (see Canon Day). Anyway, the entire insurance inquisition that followed left me traumatised and weak. I felt like I was in a Nazi camp. Despite the ordeal, the insurance covered most things and we have a replacement TV and camera and I have to get some jewelery back, but somehow the joy of the getting new things don't really apply. It is just tainted. I am grateful nobody got hurt. I took Liz for trauma counseling, and she bounced back wonderfully. My pcyche got a bit dented.I couldn't sleep for a week. But even that is getting better now. Maybe because we are spending a small fortune on palisade and electrical fencing infrastructure (and trust me it is on the scale of infrastructure!) Nobody was physically hurt, the puppies are safe (the thieves were kind enough to close the gate and leave them alone), but I've been generally sad. Sad at the waste (broken things), the lost heirlooms and family history and the lost children (because they were juveniles) who's lives are so wasted.
On Monday the 18th of March, I got the dreaded phone call from the neighbour and armed response. There's been an incident at home. I fly home at top speed, knowing my cleaning lady was home alone. It turns out we had an armed robbery; held at knife point while they ransacked our house. Virtually the entire contents of our cupboards were on the floor (especially in the main bedroom) and I lost all my jewelery. I am not a big collector or anything, but I had a few old heirloom pieces (more than a hundred years old) that is now gone. The chaos was traumatic. The police caught a suspect, but three got away with stuff. Overall some items were recovered. Amongst these were our running shoes! And some of the electronic appliances (PS3, iPad, phones etc).It is such a strange feeling to see all your stuff, packed in your own bags, in the back of a police vehicle. They handed the stuff over the wall. The flat screen TV was damaged (screen cracked) and the guys that got away got my camera (see Canon Day). Anyway, the entire insurance inquisition that followed left me traumatised and weak. I felt like I was in a Nazi camp. Despite the ordeal, the insurance covered most things and we have a replacement TV and camera and I have to get some jewelery back, but somehow the joy of the getting new things don't really apply. It is just tainted. I am grateful nobody got hurt. I took Liz for trauma counseling, and she bounced back wonderfully. My pcyche got a bit dented.I couldn't sleep for a week. But even that is getting better now. Maybe because we are spending a small fortune on palisade and electrical fencing infrastructure (and trust me it is on the scale of infrastructure!) Nobody was physically hurt, the puppies are safe (the thieves were kind enough to close the gate and leave them alone), but I've been generally sad. Sad at the waste (broken things), the lost heirlooms and family history and the lost children (because they were juveniles) who's lives are so wasted.
I felt violated. They touched and searched through my clothes, stole my clothes and shoes and stuff. I had to wash all my clothes again before I felt better.
I've felt a bit lost too. Once somebody's thrown the content of all the cupboards on the floor, it is weird how you can't find stuff. I don't know if we've misfiled it or if it is stolen. I just feel frustrated because I am looking for things all the time - never knowing if it is gone or not.
At work, it's been a month of being Acting Manager of our division again. We still don't have a new manager after 7 months, it is getting a bit like boot camp. Every few weeks you get your turn to be in managment boot camp. I am a wreck. Working hard on my own ulcer.
Between the chaos at home and the stress at work, my body is just not rebooting properly anymore. This past week's been rougher than most and I even struggled to be enthusiastic about running. So we pushed a few kays through, but it was hard yards.
Where am I now? Craving some comfort food, even decadent KFC or some form of take-out food, just because I am tired of toeing the line. I want to put foot down and speed down the highway at 160km/h and not care about fines. I want to stay at home because I feel like it and not feel guilty about work. I just want to be for a bit.
My life's been a bit like the Gumpian "box of chocolates" of late, and all I can think of is, gimme some of the cocoa goodness...now! Stop the bus, I want to get off. I am not going anywhere.
At work, it's been a month of being Acting Manager of our division again. We still don't have a new manager after 7 months, it is getting a bit like boot camp. Every few weeks you get your turn to be in managment boot camp. I am a wreck. Working hard on my own ulcer.
Between the chaos at home and the stress at work, my body is just not rebooting properly anymore. This past week's been rougher than most and I even struggled to be enthusiastic about running. So we pushed a few kays through, but it was hard yards.
Where am I now? Craving some comfort food, even decadent KFC or some form of take-out food, just because I am tired of toeing the line. I want to put foot down and speed down the highway at 160km/h and not care about fines. I want to stay at home because I feel like it and not feel guilty about work. I just want to be for a bit.
My life's been a bit like the Gumpian "box of chocolates" of late, and all I can think of is, gimme some of the cocoa goodness...now! Stop the bus, I want to get off. I am not going anywhere.
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