Maybe I should have this quote tattooed on my hand or something. How often do I have to keep reminding myself that failure is just part of the road and not permanent. I am desperately struggling with my failure at the moment. Failing to maintain my calorie intake when stressed, cold and hibernating has become a real challenge this winter. My return to an exercise regime is slow and quite taxing (mentally) and I hope will get me back on track on the eating side. I am so grateful to be back at the running thing and the slow pace is not really worrying me as much as I expected. I am struggling with the "tiredness" and how hard I have to work to just keep myself in the game. The mental part of the come back. The restraint that is required to not go out and hit it hard too soon. And the fear. I am on edge when training. Every twinge, every niggle, every ache, scares the wack out of me. And why am I struggling with controlling myself from eating too much. Everyday there is something nice that we want to eat. Every day I feel like I failed again and I have to start fresh the next day, just to fail again, because of a new food experience, an evening out, wine, a slice of cheesecake etc. None of it with sugar or carbs, but just not being able to listen to my body and opt not to eat when I am not hungry. We've not skipped meals recently, we've fallen into a habit of eating dinners because it is nice to be social and I enjoy the cooking. Together time over good food is our thing, but I need to get my mind set on a plan of action. I am stuck in failure-mode. My failure mode translates into me no longer tracking my food intake and not systematically working towards a weight goal. I need a serious reset. Suck it up and get there. Just do it. I say it, I know it, I just have to do it...help! I am bruised.
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