The runner plots but the body is not playing

I attempted my first run Wednesday evening - 2 weeks and 3 days after the injury. I jogged 8 km very slowly, intermittently walking and stretching and tried very hard to ignore the ache in my calf. It came back after about 1 km, at first it felt just like a cramp forming but it deteriorated into an actual ache and tightness by the time I got to 3 km into the route. At the end of the run I was back to hobbling. I iced at home and tried to stretch, but something is not right. Although I ran very slowly, the heart is willing, the calf is not. I've been very patient (sort of) and hadn't experienced any pain the last 3 days, which led to my decision to try and get a sense of my status.

And I know. I know. I know this stuff.
It's the best time to be injured.
I have no immediate race goals.
I am being a baby.
This is just something to work through.
I have to deal with.
I too shall pass.

But the uncertainty is eating at me. I want to close my eyes tightly, twirl 3 times clockwise, click my heels and all should be well again. I want to be OK; this is so much harder than I expected. My head-space is all wrong. I miss running so much.

How does one fix it?

I feel both dead and alive and I am too scared to open the box and find out which one. My mind tells me to remember all the good stuff, to be grateful for my blessings, but my heart is aching for the freedom of a pain free run. It is like being in a box - a dark and lonely place and you have to face your darkest self. I am trying not to despair. So far, I've been resting for 16 days. The first test run clearly showed that I am still in the big, black box of injury. On the bench. Not ready. No running for Bella (yet).