Just another day

On Wednesday the 1st of May 2013 we ran our marathon (42.2km). The Wally. 

It was a fantastic feeling to finally achieve what we've been training for the last three months. We trained and trained, and suffered and lost some weight and finally ran the race. Got the t-shirt and the blisters to prove it. The race ended up being really tough as Carl struggled with de-hydration and low blood sugar, so we worked hard for our medal and still, despite the set-back finished in 4:47 (sub 5 hours is what one needs to qualify for Comrades). 

For a first attempt, I am proud and happy and I know we have scope to improve our time significantly. So, just to prove a point, on Sunday (5 May) we decide to test our legs and we ran the Colgate 32km race. The second half was the toughest running I've done. Although I suspect that one's mind is a fickle thing and I have just blanked out the pain I felt up those steps last year during the Great Wall Marathon for example, but Sunday's running was tough. Three rest days was perhaps barely enough, although we probably would have be fine if we had stuck to 15km. But anyway, we ran fairly conservative during the marathon and on Sunday basically had not choice. The body was just tired, my legs ached and complained and I had to dig deeeeeep. The good thing is that I feel we've ticked another box on our "Shall we do the Comrades next year" checklist. We've achieved a few firsts: We ran our furthest distance together and we ran 74.2km in a week. So we've demonstrated that despite our impediments,

I am contemplating the next challenge. The problem is that now, with June looming, very few races are available and with the loss of light we tend to struggle to do distance in the week. So inevitably the fitness level drops a bit. I am focusing on getting to goal weight - no more cheating (because I deserve it after the run). Just refocusing after all the "carbo-loading" I permitted myself the past two weeks. It was a holiday from being good. I am now focused to get the last 3 kilos off and get the certificate. Carl got his life membership and certificate yesterday. I am so jealous. Cannot help myself! I want to get the secret book that tells you how much chocolate you can eat and stay at goal weight :-)

This week we've started to put the normal routine back into place. Running Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. This week we are doing short and light running, but slowly we will get back to +40km per week and keep up the good work. It was so hard to get this fit, I refuse to just let it fade away. I refuse! I leave you with my one of my favourite running quotes:

 

"I run to feel complete, to feel alive, to feel happy, and to feel free. I run to visit beautiful places, to overcome my fears...And to remind myself, and others, that our limits may not be where we think they are." - Chrissie Wellington

Hope (noun)

 A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen... 
 

Tomorrow

Tomorrow things will be better. I was thinking that last night, despite my ramblings of the past few posts, I am still an enternal optimist. I live in South Africa, but I refuse to be just negative. I want to believe that things will get better, even against the odds, despite logic...I am a believer.

A friend sent me this picture this morning, and I smiled. I thought wistfully last night before I fell asleep: "I am sure tomorrow will be better".

Tomorrow for me is not mañana, meaning "not today" or "tomorrow" in Spanish. I am too much of a planner to just let life take me. When you ask a Spaniard to do something for you and they say "mañana", what they actually mean is "What you asked me to do is not important to me and I'll get around to it when I can. My "tomorrow" is a proactive dream or the opportiny for something great to happen. Perhaps tomorrow, I will get to do more fun stuff at work. Perhaps tomorrow, something great will happen. Anything is possible...tomorrow.

All I have to keep doing is: believe..
So mystical land here I come :-)

More questions?

It took a while, but we are mostly back to normal. I still have a strange sense of loss though. It is not the loss of my stuff. I've lost my sense of direction or purpose in all of the drama. And then today the news from Boston breaks and my world tilts just a little more towards the "nothing makes sense anymore" angle.
Running events are my safe place. Emotionally and physically.
Early morning starts, fresh air, laughing, chatting runners huddled together, the anticipation in the air and the wonderful sense that anything is possible. I always feel closer to people and somehow there is a sense that we are all just human beings doing something we love!

And then somebody evil destroys an event like then Boston Marathon and my heart breaks. And I don't have words...

Only questions and no answers.

A box of chocolates

The past few weeks have been a mixed bag of hard work, hardship and hard yards.

On Monday the 18th of March, I got the dreaded phone call from the neighbour and armed response. There's been an incident at home. I fly home at top speed, knowing my cleaning lady was home alone. It turns out we had an armed robbery; held at knife point while they ransacked our house. Virtually the entire contents of our cupboards were on the floor (especially in the main bedroom) and I lost all my jewelery. I am not a big collector or anything, but I had a few old heirloom pieces (more than a hundred years old) that is now gone. The chaos was traumatic. The police caught a suspect, but three got away with stuff. Overall some items were recovered. Amongst these were our running shoes! And some of the electronic appliances (PS3, iPad, phones etc).It is such a strange feeling to see all your stuff, packed in your own bags, in the back of a police vehicle. They handed the stuff over the wall. The flat screen TV was damaged (screen cracked) and the guys that got away got my camera (see Canon Day). Anyway, the entire insurance inquisition that followed left me traumatised and weak. I felt like I was in a Nazi camp. Despite the ordeal, the insurance covered most things and we have a replacement TV and camera and I have to get some jewelery back, but somehow the joy of the getting new things don't really apply. It is just tainted. I am grateful nobody got hurt. I took Liz for trauma counseling, and she bounced back wonderfully. My pcyche got a bit dented.I couldn't sleep for a week. But even that is getting better now. Maybe because we are spending a small fortune on palisade and electrical fencing infrastructure (and trust me it is on the scale of infrastructure!) Nobody was physically hurt, the puppies are safe (the thieves were kind enough to close the gate and leave them alone), but I've been generally sad. Sad at the waste (broken things), the lost heirlooms and family history and the lost children (because they were juveniles) who's lives are so wasted. 

I felt violated. They touched and searched through my clothes, stole my clothes and shoes and stuff. I had to wash all my clothes again before I felt better. 

I've felt a bit lost too. Once somebody's thrown the content of all the cupboards on the floor, it is weird how you can't find stuff. I don't know if we've misfiled it or if it is stolen. I just feel frustrated because I am looking for things all the time - never knowing if it is gone or not.
At work, it's been a month of being Acting Manager of our division again. We still don't have a new manager after 7 months, it is getting a bit like boot camp. Every few weeks you get your turn to be in managment boot camp. I am a wreck. Working hard on my own ulcer.
Between the chaos at home and the stress at work, my body is just not rebooting properly anymore. This past week's been rougher than most and I even struggled to be enthusiastic about running. So we pushed a few kays through, but it was hard yards.
Where am I now? Craving some comfort food, even decadent KFC or some form of take-out food, just because I am tired of toeing the line. I want to put foot down and speed down the highway at 160km/h and not care about fines. I want to stay at home because I feel like it and not feel guilty about work. I just want to be for a bit.
My life's been a bit like the Gumpian "box of chocolates" of late, and all I can think of is, gimme some of the cocoa goodness...now! Stop the bus, I want to get off. I am not going anywhere.

Hard work and rewards

Sunday we ran our second half marathon of this year in an exciting 2:13 (Edenvale), more than 10 minutes faster than our first this year 2 weeks earlier. We both were a bit creaky afterwards, but we felt proud. We couldn't run on Tuesday or Wednesday and Monday was our rest day. The weather spoke loud and clear (lightning and thunder) and we chose to not run. So after weeks of running 5 times a week, this sudden break caught me slightly off gaurd. I suddenly felt fat like I picked up weight overnight (I am not kidding). My urge to snack increased dramatically. All I could think about is my weight and food and how much I miss cheese. Psychologically I struggle with adjusting my self image accurately relative to my actual weight. Since mid-January I've lost 5.4kg and yet my mind is still convinced the weight will jump back on if I drop my guard for a second. Intellectually, I know this not to be true. The thing that fascinates me is how our emotions (the baggage we have) can play havoc with our general mindset even when you are aware of the pitfalls. I struggle with weightloss and it is doubly hard with no thyroid, but we've been really good and have hardly stepped of the healthy diet track in nearly 3 months. I have to train like a demon to stay fit, my body's natural state is "couch fit". My weight has always been a struggle. I have had a few good years but I have never been super thin. So weightloss and training is always an uphill battle for me. And there are in life, like in a race usually more uphill than the downhill, but man when you hit a downhill after you worked hard up a steep one, that feeling of freedom is beyond description. It often just clicks, a few kilometers into race: your stride feels fluid, you feel like a real athlete and your breathing is easy. In that moment your mind is clear and bright and the world feels like a fabulous place and if you are lucky, your iPod is blaring a good song right at that moment. The high is so worth all the effort. Not because your brain is duped by good chemicals, but because your body is doing something that you've worked hard to achieve. We are but physical beings, even I, who scoffed at physical stuff most of my life and focussed on the intellect, am totally converted. A runner's high is rare and usually short lived, but it is so worth it. May we all have a few "runner's highs" today, no matter what we do! I leave with this favourite quote:

"I often hear someone say I'm not a real runner. We are all runners, some just run faster than others. I never met a fake runner." -Bart Yasso

And later (maybe next month)...

Sometimes you just need some beautiful

gedagte-heelal

soms is jy my
maan
wat gedagte-getye
laat eb en vloed

soms is jy ‘n
sterrereën
wat my dorre siel
kom voed

en soms is jy die
son
waarom ek kring in‘n
ons-om-wenteling

©Isabel Geldenhuys

I was reminded by a friend that sometimes, we just need some beauty. And a poem and photograph says more than any babbling blogging can.